Everything Happens for a Reason

Kindly note this is a continuation of The Unconventional Rebel

It remains unseen as to whether my Mr Petal knows just how much feelings I have for him or how far they extend, to be brutally honest – I don’t think I do either. But when it comes down to it, I refer you to Number 2 answer of Option A mentioned in "For your educational purposes – Part 1”
If someone wants to be with you, they will.

Noting quite obviously that I will never actually have this discussion with him on the basis that it is wholly unnecessary, firstly, because he is reading this blog (Weird right?!?!?!?). I know him probably better than he knows himself, I know his answer and his reasons or at the very least I think I do and the only thing that enduring this conversation would actually provide for, is his genuine pity.

When I say pity, I don’t mean pity in a bad way – I just mean that he will feel sorry for me for not being able to give me what I want and hurting me. No one ever really wants to hurt their friends or people they care for, sometimes, it just happens. I know this because I have been through it, I have been on the opposite side of the river. You know what though, I just don’t want it. I don’t want pity. It is not going to do any good for either of us and it is not going to make me feel better. What I know is this, I am not going to spend my life pining for him and feeling sorry for myself that he never “chose” me when I have my entire life to live and be happy. Whether the future includes us staying friends or not will depend on how strong I am and how much I am willing to sacrifice.

What I want you to consider is the expression "wearing the shoe on the other foot". They cannot control their feelings anymore than we can control ours. They cannot force themselves to love you or like you, and would you really want it? Would you ever want to be in a relationship knowing that they don’t really love you, that they are in it “just because” or just because they are afraid to hurt you? I know I wouldn’t.

I recognize that a lot of you reading this, have been exactly where I am right now and my heart goes out to you. If I have been the one to hurt you, then I am sorry too, my intention is never to hurt anyone.

Unfortunately I feel it entirely necessary to enter a proviso here due to recent events in my life. I feel less than zero remorse if I hurt you because you were being a crazy mofo stalker. It is completely unacceptable human behaviour and although you think it was “love” and you were hurt by rejection, your actions really just wanted to make me get a restraining order and quite possibly a tazer. Realize the boundaries of acceptable human behaviour and interaction and deal with your feelings like an adult. Go to a bar or therapy or both. Do not stalk, harass or try and intervene the moving on of their life because you are incapable of moving on with your own. The only person you are hurting, is yourself and at the end of the day the only thing you are doing is scaring them and forcing them into a position where they have no option but to act negatively to your actions. If you try make the best of a situation, despite being hurt, you’ll actually find that you can still be happy and you won’t hate the other person for the hurt you are suffering. But if you make things ugly then of course things are going to get ugly. Negative breeds negative and positive breeds positive. Carry on with life, keep close to the friends who matter, continue doing things you love or find new things to love, you’ll realize that life is never that bad and you can always overcome any situation, no matter how “strong” or “weak” you think you are.

Now we are coming to the end of this and it seems pretty bleak and emo by the decision I have made. Yes it is possible that he will wake up and smell the roses and be like “holy mother of God, what the fuck have I been doing and thinking, I cannot live without this woman” and sweep me off my feet (it is a nice thought, isn’t it?) and it is also possible that he won’t. Whatever happens will happen and either which way I will be happy. You know why (and this is a philosophy I live by): Everything… Every single little thing that happens in your life, happens for a reason. It makes you, you and without you, who would I or anyone else be. We are shaped by the people we meet, the experiences we go through and the decisions we make. Bear with me now because there will always be the Nature vs. Nurture argument and you will always believe what you believe. All I am saying is that I have been through enough to know that everything happens for a reason. And you know what… I wouldn’t want it any other way.

The Unconventional Rebel

Kindly note that this is a continuation of "For your educational purposes Part 2"

I, however, am an unconventional rebel. Because when do I ever do anything the easy way, I mean come on – where is the fun in that?

So what did I do exactly? I did nothing. I just chose to ignore the problem, when it comes down to it, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Hey now, don’t judge, I liked things how they were. The problem was, how long would they stay that way. So pretty much ignore ignore ignore and then one day – you guessed it – I cracked. No, not in the conventional way either. Okay guys, I know what you are thinking, but no I did not Rufey him and lock him up in my cage (although it did cross my mind).


Instead I decided to have a “few” drinks with him. Well that ended swimmingly. To be fair though, I did not fall out of a car this time (Kudo’s to me). Instead I decided to completely and utterly freak out at him, you know, because that always works... Incase you couldn’t figure out what that dripping sound was – that is the sound of sarcasm dripping from my voice.


Incase you have not yet figured it out, ignoring the problem, does not make it go away nor does it make anything easier. In fact, it usually just makes things worse. You build it up to a point where something has gotta give and usually it's you. When is too far, too far? How much are you willing to take and how much are you willing to let it destroy you. Sometimes, it's less painful to rip the band aid off faster than to do it inch by inch so to speak. The thing that I have discovered most, is that people just let it continue, they let the fallacy continue so that the hope can continue. But ask yourself this, how much of your life are you giving up every single day, hoping, when you could be out there making real life shit happen. Yes, knowing the answer is scary, giving up is scary, being and feeling hurt is scary, but if you live your life in constant fear, the only person you are destroying is yourself, and your life will become stagnant because you let fear control you and your every action.


In respect of my situation, clearly I had issues with what was going on, my conscious brain just did not want to admit it. I did not want to admit it. I thought I had it under control, I thought I had myself under control and I thought I had the situation under control. But hey no worries, because drunk Jess had noooooooo problem letting all her issues out and at the end of the day I think it was best because although I don’t remember much about what I said, I do remember how I said it and how I felt when I said it. And if that's how I felt, then it was not worth it. It is not often that I get angry or feel utter despair, but this had gone far beyond what I ever imagined I could feel at this point in my life. I never believed that that is how I felt about the situation. I just kept stuffing my emotions down, kept making excuses for myself, making excuses about his behaviour, making excuses about everything.


It was at this point that I literally had to stop and take a good look at myself, at him, the situation and decide if I wanted to carry on this road. How much was I willing to destroy just because I didn’t want to let go? How much of myself? How much of our friendship? So after not very much deliberation and definitely after feeling like an idiot, I decided to call it quits.




Next Issue: “Everything happens for a reason”

For your Educational Purposes – Part 2 – The Friend Question

Kindly note that this is a continuation of For your Educational Purposes – Part 1

The friend question. Yup, I said it. I can feel you shuddering from here. 9 out of 10 of you and especially you women (No, I am not stereotyping – our gender are just genetically stupid when it comes to this part). “Let’s still be friends” I’m sorry, what? I couldn’t hear your muffled cries through the chloroformed rag. Haha, just joking… *cough* ahem, anyway…

Seriously though for most of you, I do not suggest this course of action. I don’t mean this in a demeaning way, I mean it in a “statistically speaking, the only person who is going to get hurt, is you” kind of way. Most people and I am speaking generally, have the inability to separate their emotions or feelings from themselves. When you like or love someone and you want to be friends with them – this is kind of what you need to be able to do.

I would even say controlling your feelings or emotions would suffice but it almost never does, simply because that person that you are in love with or that you like or love is not going to stop living their lives because they might hurt you just because you might see or hear about something that you don’t like.



The reality is this:-

They ask or you ask the friend question. You hang out together. They start seeing someone else. You watch them do and say things to other people that you wish they’d do or say to you. I legitimately and honestly cannot think of a worse form of torture. Although to be fair – pulling nails ranks pretty high.

So like I said, if you cannot do the emotional separation thing then I don’t suggest it. But hey, who am I to say what you should or shouldn’t do, I’m okay with you learning the hard way.



Option B is generally for people who don’t know how to cope with themselves, their emotions or their lives and if you’re lucky enough to be able to afford to do it then you should stop reading this and go do it! I recommend this option for those who are trying to “find themselves” before making any other informed or misinformed decisions about their life. You people know who you are.



And finally we come to Option C – The Duke Nukem Option. In the entirety of my life, I have never, ever seen this option work. Ever. And I have seen a lot. I could go into the massively gruesome details of this option but ultimately one person is always more stubborn than the other. And when it comes down to it, no one likes to be told what to do and that is pretty much what you’re forcing.

On principle, if someone does this to me. My response is this: Go fuck yourself.



So those are generally your options and the results that follow.

Here endeth the lesson.



Stay tuned for the next post “The Unconventional Rebel”

For Your Educational Purposes - Part 1

Kindly note that this is a Continuation of "The Decision"

Should you choose Option A.
Well done, you have, in most circumstances, chosen the most adult/mature option. This, however, is entirely separate and different to what you choose to say when you have this conversation. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most of you don't actually plan to think before you speak. I mean, how bad could it get right? (Just by the way, I am laughing hysterically in the background, with snorts and everything) Oh you have Nooooo Idea.

Okay okay I'll calm down. In essence, if you follow this option, it can only go one of two ways.
1. They have feelings for you, in which case kindly revert to any fairy tale that ends in happily ever after.

2. They don't have feelings for you or the same amount of feelings or they don't want to commit or not now. These are just different ways of saying "No". In fact, there is a non-exhaustive list of reasons, sentences or words, but at the end of the day, if it's not an emphatic "yes". It means No.

At this point, this is where your denial kicks in. No, not the river in Egypt (see what I did there - that was just for you Nic). So no, not the river, I mean the real thing. You say to yourself "maybe", "maybe it's just me", "maybe if I change", "maybe it's because they are stressed and going through a rough time, they're just not ready for commitment". Maybe... You should stop kidding yourself. Now you may think this is harsh, and you are probably right, but it doesn't make it any less true. The sooner you stop kidding yourself, the sooner you will be able to deal with it and the sooner you will be able to move on. You know, just like I know that if you like someone and want to be with them, NOTHING will stop you and when I say nothing, I even mean the plague's in the old Testament. If you are unsure as to what I am referring to, you can educate yourself with - The Bible

Or alternatively, if that seems like a lot of effort and you want to sloth it, you can watch the semi-religious thriller "The Reaping" - which by the way if you haven't seen, you really should.

So once again, if someone doesn't emphatically say yes to you. It means no.

But never fear... because I have more bad news or good news, actually it depends which way you look at it. As in the optimistic way “oh look the glass is half full”, the pessimistic way “oh look, the glass is half empty”, my way “oh look, there’s room for vodka”. Vodka fixes everything – okay wait, I am getting ahead of myself or I could be excited for the vodka, or it could be the Monster I just drank… wait what.

And continuing on point, if your man or woman-ho says no or some other variation as discussed above. At least you know the answer – kudo’s for being brave enough to ask. This, however, is where the tricky part comes in. To ask or not to ask… The Friend Question.

Stay tuned for "Your educational purposes - Part 2"

The Decision

Kindly note that this is a Continuation of "Consequences of the Epiphany"

Yes, that awkward decision. The decision to:

A) Broach the subject of these feelings. Ie. Your non-exclusive man or woman-ho, whatever you like to call them. For the purposes of this blog, I shall name mine, Petal (for those of you having a chuckle, its better than Krull okay? And for those of you who understood that reference – well done!!)

B) Cut ties, quit your job, sell everything you own, leave the country and become a janitor in Indonesia. (This apparently is a legitimate option according to someone I know)

C) The Ultimatum. Otherwise known as the “Duke Nukem”
When you do this, you better be ready to kick ass and chew bubblegum or have a box of tissues handy. If you are a guy, Duke Nukem rules apply in which case ignore the part about tissues, go to your nearest strip club, hand out money to strippers and say “Do you wana dance?”

So before I go onto what I actually did, these are what I think are the possible results of the aforementioned… For your educational purposes of course.

Buuut you’ll have to wait til next week to read them in “For your educational purposes”.

The consequences of the Epiphany

Kindly note that this is a Continuation of "Feelings... What are those again?"

So if you haven’t been in this position yet, just be glad. If you are going through this now I suggest you go to your nearest bar and make friends with the bartender, the manager and the owner because you are going to be there a lot in the near future. Alternatively, read this fun article on how to get amazingly drunk in a nerd fashion…. (you can thank me later)

http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/cole-fm/nerdiest-way-get-drunk?fb_ref=recbar

If you have been through this before just like I have – then you know what is coming next. *Insert melodramatic “JAWS” music here or the Sound of Music soundtrack* – you know, whatever floats your boat – who am I to judge.

Actually, I’m judging you right now...  

 

So for those of you who have been as unfortunate as I have been in the past. You guys know what is coming next…

The Decision.

See my next post for “The Decision”

Feelings... What are those again?

Kindly note that this is a Continuation of "Stuck in a Rut"

I know right. The ice queen having feelings… It's okay to laugh, I even laughed when I realized this. I swear when I think about it I have to choke down my own gag reflex. Feelings. *Vomit*

So for someone like me to have feelings for someone else. Fuck. Yeah, that pretty much what I said in my head but with the emphasis of a 3 kiloton nuclear bomb. I’m pretty sure the walls around me reverberated by that mind blow and I’m relatively sure that if I were around any rocks they would have started to bleed.

So how did this “feelings” thing happen? Okay, you may want to sit down for this.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a land far far away. There too was a handsome prince and purely haphazardly (but only in the way fate can) they were brought together – their eyes meeting and true love’s spark created, they fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after… and then… wait… what the fuck was I talking about earlier? I got side tracked by the bullshit they spoonfeed us with as children about love and life. And then people wonder why I gag when people talk about love.

Okay, okay, I digress. So lets just say that our eyes didn’t meet due to fate and there was no true love sparkle. But finding someone who had the mental capacity to speak to me about anything that was not limited to the weather, cars or sports was actually pretty rad. Secondly, he was fun and hey if you know me, I am all about the fun. Except for those awkward moments of a lethal mix of black label and tequila whereby I become more emo than T’s hairstyle. (Sorry T, still love you!!). Aaaand last but not least, the weird factor. We were somewhat compatibly weird, and I bet you are like “Well how is that an entire factor?” Have you been around a normal person? It’s just plain creepy. *shudder*

So mix those three things together plus an extra little nice kink here and there and BOOM! No people, get your damn minds out the gutter, I did NOT say kinky. Yeah you people know who you are *pulls “The Rock” eyebrow lift*

Add reciprocated affection and well, that my dear readers is when those nasty little “emotional feeling” things start to happen. Like when spooning in bed they nuzzle your neck and kiss your ear and you get a little knot in your stomach because you can’t help but smile and snuggle in closer. And you know what I mean and you know that feeling. Don’t lie to me or to yourself…

Ok, so a few other things happened too but I am sure you guys see where I am going with this or you should otherwise you are as thick as pig shit and should stop reading. Or you are a virgin, in which case, go and get laid please – you are not helping yourself or anyone by being a virgin (unless you’re aiming for the whole sacrificial virgin thing then never mind, by all means, continue) Should the sacrificial virgin thing apply to you, please consult with Supernatural: Season 3, Episode 12 and Season 6, Episode 12 for examples of virginal sacrifices.

So when you feel this feeling and you are not in what some people I know like to call an “exclusive” relationship (Let’s be clear about this now, this is an entire topic all on its own which I will not delve into right now). So when you are in said relationship and you know you will never be in an exclusive relationship with that person for many reasons (And noooooo, I am not going to go into that either because I could write an entire book about it and its none of your damn business) so you can:

a)      make up your own reasons

b)      just ignore that part and bear with me that there are in fact legitimate reasons – besides us both being idiots.

Well, you can guess what happens when this epiphany occurs. You know that 3 kiloton nuclear bomb I mentioned earlier. Yeah, pretty much that...

So stay tuned for

 “The consequences of the Epiphany”.