My Friend

Hello My Friend
I see we meet again
The sun sets and I am enamoured by your encompassing embrace.

I whisper to you
Do not fear, for my lover is not near
She is gone from our sight, gone until another night.
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Tell me your secrets I have been longing to hear
Tell me how we can change the world

Comfort me with the blanket of sins of those who misinterpret you
Those who see nothing instead of your everything.
Do not be slighted My Friend
For without you, they could not see the grace of the world.
You are the echo of silence, and hold the silence of my heart.

The dawn approaches and our time is fleeting
I know not when we will meet again
As the darkness recedes and the light seeps in.
You are all but gone from me - a fading memory
But in the deepest hour of an incandescent hour -
We will be one - My Friend.

The Unconventional Rebel

Kindly note that this is a continuation of "For your educational purposes Part 2"

I, however, am an unconventional rebel. Because when do I ever do anything the easy way, I mean come on – where is the fun in that?

So what did I do exactly? I did nothing. I just chose to ignore the problem, when it comes down to it, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Hey now, don’t judge, I liked things how they were. The problem was, how long would they stay that way. So pretty much ignore ignore ignore and then one day – you guessed it – I cracked. No, not in the conventional way either. Okay guys, I know what you are thinking, but no I did not Rufey him and lock him up in my cage (although it did cross my mind).


Instead I decided to have a “few” drinks with him. Well that ended swimmingly. To be fair though, I did not fall out of a car this time (Kudo’s to me). Instead I decided to completely and utterly freak out at him, you know, because that always works... Incase you couldn’t figure out what that dripping sound was – that is the sound of sarcasm dripping from my voice.


Incase you have not yet figured it out, ignoring the problem, does not make it go away nor does it make anything easier. In fact, it usually just makes things worse. You build it up to a point where something has gotta give and usually it's you. When is too far, too far? How much are you willing to take and how much are you willing to let it destroy you. Sometimes, it's less painful to rip the band aid off faster than to do it inch by inch so to speak. The thing that I have discovered most, is that people just let it continue, they let the fallacy continue so that the hope can continue. But ask yourself this, how much of your life are you giving up every single day, hoping, when you could be out there making real life shit happen. Yes, knowing the answer is scary, giving up is scary, being and feeling hurt is scary, but if you live your life in constant fear, the only person you are destroying is yourself, and your life will become stagnant because you let fear control you and your every action.


In respect of my situation, clearly I had issues with what was going on, my conscious brain just did not want to admit it. I did not want to admit it. I thought I had it under control, I thought I had myself under control and I thought I had the situation under control. But hey no worries, because drunk Jess had noooooooo problem letting all her issues out and at the end of the day I think it was best because although I don’t remember much about what I said, I do remember how I said it and how I felt when I said it. And if that's how I felt, then it was not worth it. It is not often that I get angry or feel utter despair, but this had gone far beyond what I ever imagined I could feel at this point in my life. I never believed that that is how I felt about the situation. I just kept stuffing my emotions down, kept making excuses for myself, making excuses about his behaviour, making excuses about everything.


It was at this point that I literally had to stop and take a good look at myself, at him, the situation and decide if I wanted to carry on this road. How much was I willing to destroy just because I didn’t want to let go? How much of myself? How much of our friendship? So after not very much deliberation and definitely after feeling like an idiot, I decided to call it quits.




Next Issue: “Everything happens for a reason”

For your Educational Purposes – Part 2 – The Friend Question

Kindly note that this is a continuation of For your Educational Purposes – Part 1

The friend question. Yup, I said it. I can feel you shuddering from here. 9 out of 10 of you and especially you women (No, I am not stereotyping – our gender are just genetically stupid when it comes to this part). “Let’s still be friends” I’m sorry, what? I couldn’t hear your muffled cries through the chloroformed rag. Haha, just joking… *cough* ahem, anyway…

Seriously though for most of you, I do not suggest this course of action. I don’t mean this in a demeaning way, I mean it in a “statistically speaking, the only person who is going to get hurt, is you” kind of way. Most people and I am speaking generally, have the inability to separate their emotions or feelings from themselves. When you like or love someone and you want to be friends with them – this is kind of what you need to be able to do.

I would even say controlling your feelings or emotions would suffice but it almost never does, simply because that person that you are in love with or that you like or love is not going to stop living their lives because they might hurt you just because you might see or hear about something that you don’t like.



The reality is this:-

They ask or you ask the friend question. You hang out together. They start seeing someone else. You watch them do and say things to other people that you wish they’d do or say to you. I legitimately and honestly cannot think of a worse form of torture. Although to be fair – pulling nails ranks pretty high.

So like I said, if you cannot do the emotional separation thing then I don’t suggest it. But hey, who am I to say what you should or shouldn’t do, I’m okay with you learning the hard way.



Option B is generally for people who don’t know how to cope with themselves, their emotions or their lives and if you’re lucky enough to be able to afford to do it then you should stop reading this and go do it! I recommend this option for those who are trying to “find themselves” before making any other informed or misinformed decisions about their life. You people know who you are.



And finally we come to Option C – The Duke Nukem Option. In the entirety of my life, I have never, ever seen this option work. Ever. And I have seen a lot. I could go into the massively gruesome details of this option but ultimately one person is always more stubborn than the other. And when it comes down to it, no one likes to be told what to do and that is pretty much what you’re forcing.

On principle, if someone does this to me. My response is this: Go fuck yourself.



So those are generally your options and the results that follow.

Here endeth the lesson.



Stay tuned for the next post “The Unconventional Rebel”