3 of the craziest Life changing moments

Sometimes, the craziest of things happen. They are completely inexplicable. Sometimes it happens to you and sometimes it just happens around you and you happen to become a part of it.
These are the 3 moments that stood out in my life as completely life changing.


1. Strange things happen but sometimes you need that to happen.

It was the weekend, I was young, well, younger.... We were at Origin, a Nightclub in Durban. I was in a side room close to the bar but not quite at the bar – my friend had just spoken to me and left to go do something or find someone. I was alone probably 10 minutes, just standing – enjoying the vibe, the people, the everything. Then out of nowhere, this random chic who I had never seen before, never met before – comes up to me, grabs my arm, looks me dead in the eye and tells me I am an amazing person and what I do is important. And then walks off.
To this day, I have no idea who she was, or what she saw that made her think that, let alone approach me and say it. It has boggled my mind ever since. But at that moment, I had needed to hear those words from a stranger – and maybe she knew that. Sometimes the most random act – can be the most life changing.


2. Being with someone doesn't mean compromising your beliefs.

The moment I realized that even though being in a relationship may mean compromising. It doesn’t mean compromising your beliefs. Once you compromise on that, what else is there – the biggest and most important part of who you are – is your belief system, it is what gives you your faith or your peace of mind at the end of the day.


3. Sometimes, you need to do whatever you need to do, in order to feel okay.

I had gone through a particularly bad break up. I didn’t talk about it. There was nothing to talk about. I could talk about betrayal, I could talk about pain and hurt but at the end of the day, that just wasn’t going to change the situation, and it did not make me feel better. It wasn’t going to make him come back to me, it wasn’t going to make me understand his motives any better.

One night after the break up, I had gone out clubbing with my friend, it was a normal night. We drank and partied the night away. And while driving home, my friend pulled over the car. And stopped in the middle of a desolute dodgy parking lot in the middle of nowhere.
He proceeded to ask me: how could I act that way?
Act like what? I was um… normal? Having a good time with my friend, out and about.
How could I act like nothing has happened, like nothing has changed when everything had.
My answer: I’m doing whatever I need to do, in order to be okay.
In that instance – it was drinking, having fun with a friend clubbing, listening to music and dancing.
I could have stayed at home every night and wept, I could have become self destructive, I could have taken drugs and numbed myself out – that is so incredibly easy to do, to do nothing. There were a hundred other things I could have done. There is no right or wrong way to feel okay, to be okay – And people need to understand that. Every single person out there has their own way of dealing with their, grief, their loneliness, their pain – because it is theirs. Not yours, not anyone else’s, theirs. And it is their burden to bear.
My mother always used to ask “why do you always have to do everything the hard way”
Sometimes, the only way to learn is the hard way. People don’t just hit rock bottom for no reason. I have had my fair share of demons. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. At the end of the day, if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say “ok, I can live with that” – then good for you.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Kindly note this is a continuation of The Unconventional Rebel

It remains unseen as to whether my Mr Petal knows just how much feelings I have for him or how far they extend, to be brutally honest – I don’t think I do either. But when it comes down to it, I refer you to Number 2 answer of Option A mentioned in "For your educational purposes – Part 1”
If someone wants to be with you, they will.

Noting quite obviously that I will never actually have this discussion with him on the basis that it is wholly unnecessary, firstly, because he is reading this blog (Weird right?!?!?!?). I know him probably better than he knows himself, I know his answer and his reasons or at the very least I think I do and the only thing that enduring this conversation would actually provide for, is his genuine pity.

When I say pity, I don’t mean pity in a bad way – I just mean that he will feel sorry for me for not being able to give me what I want and hurting me. No one ever really wants to hurt their friends or people they care for, sometimes, it just happens. I know this because I have been through it, I have been on the opposite side of the river. You know what though, I just don’t want it. I don’t want pity. It is not going to do any good for either of us and it is not going to make me feel better. What I know is this, I am not going to spend my life pining for him and feeling sorry for myself that he never “chose” me when I have my entire life to live and be happy. Whether the future includes us staying friends or not will depend on how strong I am and how much I am willing to sacrifice.

What I want you to consider is the expression "wearing the shoe on the other foot". They cannot control their feelings anymore than we can control ours. They cannot force themselves to love you or like you, and would you really want it? Would you ever want to be in a relationship knowing that they don’t really love you, that they are in it “just because” or just because they are afraid to hurt you? I know I wouldn’t.

I recognize that a lot of you reading this, have been exactly where I am right now and my heart goes out to you. If I have been the one to hurt you, then I am sorry too, my intention is never to hurt anyone.

Unfortunately I feel it entirely necessary to enter a proviso here due to recent events in my life. I feel less than zero remorse if I hurt you because you were being a crazy mofo stalker. It is completely unacceptable human behaviour and although you think it was “love” and you were hurt by rejection, your actions really just wanted to make me get a restraining order and quite possibly a tazer. Realize the boundaries of acceptable human behaviour and interaction and deal with your feelings like an adult. Go to a bar or therapy or both. Do not stalk, harass or try and intervene the moving on of their life because you are incapable of moving on with your own. The only person you are hurting, is yourself and at the end of the day the only thing you are doing is scaring them and forcing them into a position where they have no option but to act negatively to your actions. If you try make the best of a situation, despite being hurt, you’ll actually find that you can still be happy and you won’t hate the other person for the hurt you are suffering. But if you make things ugly then of course things are going to get ugly. Negative breeds negative and positive breeds positive. Carry on with life, keep close to the friends who matter, continue doing things you love or find new things to love, you’ll realize that life is never that bad and you can always overcome any situation, no matter how “strong” or “weak” you think you are.

Now we are coming to the end of this and it seems pretty bleak and emo by the decision I have made. Yes it is possible that he will wake up and smell the roses and be like “holy mother of God, what the fuck have I been doing and thinking, I cannot live without this woman” and sweep me off my feet (it is a nice thought, isn’t it?) and it is also possible that he won’t. Whatever happens will happen and either which way I will be happy. You know why (and this is a philosophy I live by): Everything… Every single little thing that happens in your life, happens for a reason. It makes you, you and without you, who would I or anyone else be. We are shaped by the people we meet, the experiences we go through and the decisions we make. Bear with me now because there will always be the Nature vs. Nurture argument and you will always believe what you believe. All I am saying is that I have been through enough to know that everything happens for a reason. And you know what… I wouldn’t want it any other way.