Sometimes, the craziest of things happen. They are completely inexplicable. Sometimes it happens to you and sometimes it just happens around you and you happen to become a part of it.
These are the 3 moments that stood out in my life as completely life changing.
1. Strange things happen but sometimes you need that to happen.
It was the weekend, I was young, well, younger.... We were at Origin, a Nightclub in Durban. I was in a side room close to the bar but not quite at the bar – my friend had just spoken to me and left to go do something or find someone. I was alone probably 10 minutes, just standing – enjoying the vibe, the people, the everything. Then out of nowhere, this random chic who I had never seen before, never met before – comes up to me, grabs my arm, looks me dead in the eye and tells me I am an amazing person and what I do is important. And then walks off.
To this day, I have no idea who she was, or what she saw that made her think that, let alone approach me and say it. It has boggled my mind ever since. But at that moment, I had needed to hear those words from a stranger – and maybe she knew that. Sometimes the most random act – can be the most life changing.
2. Being with someone doesn't mean compromising your beliefs.
The moment I realized that even though being in a relationship may mean compromising. It doesn’t mean compromising your beliefs. Once you compromise on that, what else is there – the biggest and most important part of who you are – is your belief system, it is what gives you your faith or your peace of mind at the end of the day.
3. Sometimes, you need to do whatever you need to do, in order to feel okay.
I had gone through a particularly bad break up. I didn’t talk about it. There was nothing to talk about. I could talk about betrayal, I could talk about pain and hurt but at the end of the day, that just wasn’t going to change the situation, and it did not make me feel better. It wasn’t going to make him come back to me, it wasn’t going to make me understand his motives any better.
One night after the break up, I had gone out clubbing with my friend, it was a normal night. We drank and partied the night away. And while driving home, my friend pulled over the car. And stopped in the middle of a desolute dodgy parking lot in the middle of nowhere.
He proceeded to ask me: how could I act that way?
Act like what? I was um… normal? Having a good time with my friend, out and about.
How could I act like nothing has happened, like nothing has changed when everything had.
My answer: I’m doing whatever I need to do, in order to be okay.
In that instance – it was drinking, having fun with a friend clubbing, listening to music and dancing.
I could have stayed at home every night and wept, I could have become self destructive, I could have taken drugs and numbed myself out – that is so incredibly easy to do, to do nothing. There were a hundred other things I could have done. There is no right or wrong way to feel okay, to be okay – And people need to understand that. Every single person out there has their own way of dealing with their, grief, their loneliness, their pain – because it is theirs. Not yours, not anyone else’s, theirs. And it is their burden to bear.
My mother always used to ask “why do you always have to do everything the hard way”
Sometimes, the only way to learn is the hard way. People don’t just hit rock bottom for no reason. I have had my fair share of demons. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. At the end of the day, if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say “ok, I can live with that” – then good for you.
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